Rain on Me~

lalala.

2005-06-09T12:32:00.000-07:00

its 332 in e morning...im mugging geog...want to die liao. anyway im changing my blog back to e old address...victory is declared by me over tt person e blog was supposed to avoid...woo. now can go back to normal le la. haha. avalonica.blogspot.com. i'll be posting up new stuff real soon back on tt.

Over.

2005-06-06T04:04:00.000-07:00

ruth's piece is finally over, i had a heck of a time playing my role. theatre rocks big time la. totally enjoyable. i look like a ghost in my makeup tho.

and mugging econs is finally over. tho i tried to do e econs tutorials and realised i forgot everything. alamak sia. *grimace*

1 week of e hols is over. nxt wk is geog mugging time! and finally gotta hit e gym and start my weight gaining programme.

holiday hangover.

2005-06-01T02:38:00.000-07:00

yay i tink im in one of e few classes nt having makeup classes in june..so no need go back sch for lessons! woohoo! whether tts good or bad remains to be seen. nxt monday im gonna be performing in ruth's exam piece already, seems juz like yesterday i agreed to do her piece...time flies so fast. mugging econs now...reached economies of scale. gonna flip...its all words no graphs..can die memorising. emailed my application to be a TOUCH volunteer...i hope i get it!

happy holidays.

2005-05-26T04:23:00.000-07:00

yay e holidays are coming! need i say more? =D school's been so boring, nothing to blog abt. shld shut down this blog. after all, this blog was set up to elude sm1, and it did tt perfectly. voila.

infusia!

2005-05-19T08:53:00.000-07:00

concert tmr! although im only playing in two songs out of like 14 songs, at least im playing! since im very bad at percussion. =( oh well i hope everything wld turn out great tmr!

overworked.

2005-05-12T05:49:00.000-07:00

i so (un)lucky pass e interview and got into e taiwan exchange programme....now i got 2 weeks of malay dance class scheduled after school..to perform for e taiwanese ppl...great -_-...these two wks gonna be fun man! got makeup lectures, theatre studies slots, orchestra practices and tt malay dance crap after sch every day.....all at same time somemore...fun! not.

Gold.

2005-05-05T06:07:00.000-07:00

we got GOLD for SYF!!!!! ok we were disappointed we didnt get Gold with Honours...but everyone agreed the judging was bias. we werent the only jc to get cheated. still, i thoroughly enjoyed my SYF experience la!!!!!!

the anxiety while waiting at the cargo area, the tumult of emotions u feel before u enter e stage...the thrill of playing an instrument and hearing it reasonate throughout the hall...drawing approval from the conductor and all...shiok man! esp for someone who before 2005 was a complete musical idiot w/o any musical background. maybe spraining my right leg wasnt a bad thing after all, in retrospect. i had to quit bball, but i loved my experience in CO and the frens i made there are simply awesome! it feels right like a family, the orchestra. simply fabulous.

after we played, sm ACJC guy came up to me and even gushed abt how me and my section (percussion) was perfect! wah. for a noob like me, tt was WOO~ shuang la! too bad we didnt get gold with honours. man. i even got drunk at the post-SYF gathering. doing my homework later was like floating on air.

perhaps smtimes seemingly bad things (spraining the whole leg) in life can be made into good things, if u juz have e right attitude. i totally hate econs but im deluding myself to love it cos i need e freakin A to get into my bioengineering course. then in uni i wld get to do biology and chemistry bridging modules, and then get my medicine degree! shld have taken trip sci from e start and nt have a tryst with vj arts, leading to my weird halfsci halfarts combi now!!! >=( but if i didnt go to vj arts, i wldnt have met sm great frens. opportunity cost right there. oh well, i LOVE ECONS!!!!!!! yeah right.

SYF!

2005-05-01T10:08:00.000-07:00

different attitude already...so yups! gd thing i called my pastor up. anyway my SYF is on tues....cant wait! my desire is Gold with Honours and nothing less!!!! xD

sch work is exponentially increasing. ouch.

suicide.

2005-04-27T06:40:00.000-07:00

death, an escape from reality? i wldnt mind.

hiatus

2005-04-22T05:40:00.000-07:00

on blog hiatus, im too blase to continue. give me ard a wk.

a river entering into e sea.

2005-04-19T07:07:00.000-07:00

i shld have juz quit sch and work as sm provision shop assistant man...then when the owner retie i can inherit the place and im cute already. JC v rat-race lor. everytime i walk into e main corridor with the rush of students from a small corridor i feel like a stream of water joining a torrent of water. man. get sm stupid scholarship after A's, tts e point of JC right? go for seminars, S papers, stupid leadership positions sercice to community for e scholarship. counting on silly testimonials by tchers and augured good grades for A's. add in attachments to jobs and u're gd to go.

the stress applied on JC students to get a fkin scholarship...mug up for S papers distinctions, compete for places in seminars, garner cca leadership positions, fake passion for community service, screw e damn thing. cant even breathe at this pressure. anyone for a oxygen tank? all e students can commiserate together, but in e end is each person fighting for themselves the scholarship. everyone seems together, but actually alone. screw it. slack then right? to get off e pressure? nt when ure overburdened with expectations from tchers who noe u can pull it off. but u dun wan to. what? where's my world of make-believe? oh look, its over there, juz when u throw down ur weights and haul urself to there. mmm. totally rubbish wad i juz wrote. who ever read blogs nowadays anyway? everyone's too busy i surmise. nobody cares really, its all a show of prescribed moral values covering a guise of expediency. what? its over.

eulogy of a calculator.

2005-04-17T02:14:00.000-07:00

my calculator is almost dead....sob...u can barely see e words on e LCD screen..only at an angle then can see..at first i tot battery dying but when i bought new batteries it still nvr change...SOB~~~ *cries*

it was such a great calculator! oh since sec 1 when i bought it...it has survived all e exams with me...including e O's..the sec sch swan song exam! with tt awesome calculator i had nvr failed a major maths exam b4...and it helped me to score in so many papers...boohoohoo...so sad...its dying already! it was not so long ago tt it was on my All-O's lvl First Team of stationery..now...ah...*weeps*

Fire.

2005-04-14T07:00:00.000-07:00

today stayed back after sch to watch RJC play VJC......VJC thrashed RJC 4-0!!!!! haha. always so gratifying to be on e winning side. the most funny moments occurred when VJC missed a goal...then our dear soccer coach-cum-discipline master mr tan yew hwee will grab his hair and fall to the ground in disappointment and shock...when VJC scored he will jump ard crazily like a kid...forgetting for a moment, he's a teacher...even jumping up to hug his co-teacher..his histronics caused e whole audience to laugh!! even i was almost tearing cos when he fell to e ground he looked like he wa doing pseudo-breakdancing.

i was thinking "he is ridiculous.."..but in retrospect now..i tink he does all these bcos he is so passionate for his team and so eager for his team to win!!! which is great! sm coaches dun even have e passion for e sport they're coaching...and they screw up everyone in tt cca..so yeah, kudos to mr tan...long time since i saw such an unguarded spontaneous reaction from a tcher....inspiring! x)

stress fractures.

2005-04-13T08:02:00.000-07:00

screw the world. i want to burn my notes and flush e ashes down e toilet bowl. cant take it anymore. enough. words cant express how i feel!

continued self-delusion

2005-04-09T09:01:00.000-07:00

yay! im happy!! (ok nt really but still) managed to finish 80% of my human geog notes today..which means im left with all of physical geog and all of physics and sm of maths and sm of econs..sigh. i still havent done my maths assignmentS...and im the maths rep smmore! this is great. XD

watched the Pacifier today. i LOVED it!!!! gonna buy e dvd! had almost every dramatic mood...i wanna be a Navy SEAL now!!! but i wun pass e extreme tests too...oh well. the last movie i watched was Miss Congeniality 2 and after tt i so wanted to be an FBI agent...i ought to join the military! but unfortunately im geared for another kind of career...man! *considers being a combat instructor* maybe in my next lifetime. sigh.

the wkend's ending!!!!! im so sad now. back to e tumult of sch soon. i wanna do one-hand pushups!!!! i wanna do splits!!!! i wanna dunk!!!!! but not anytime soon with e amazing triple hit combo of spraining my big toe knee and ankle of my right leg. oh well! i had an enjoyable wkend! go me!

P.S. its been ages since my blog was underground and sm1 still hasnt found it...hahahahahaha.

[for ]temporary relief[, use Panadol.]

2005-04-08T09:09:00.000-07:00

yay its e wkend!!!! i get brief respite from e tumult tt is sch! so now i got sm time to gather my balls and try to catch up on more work as much as i can. i never experienced such stress levels for such prolonged periods of time in my life man...even e O's i was pretty ok...after all by then i cld mug up any subject syllabus in 6h...but JC man! i dun get nothing! but my pathetic efforts to catch up are starting to amount to smth.

had been going to my neighbour's place e past wk to juz do hw at nite cos i fall aslp so easily at nite now. but its e wkend! im happy! =D *self-delusion* lets talk abt happy things!

1) i got into SYF! XD (ok tts cos CO doesnt have enough ppl but what e heck, its nt as if i slacked thru and didnt earn it!...nt bad for a complete CO noob at e start of 2005!)
2) i got selected for the taiwanese exchange programme! (ok almost e whole world got it but who cares!..happy things right!)
3) i pon e first half of sch today cos i went to see e doc for sprained ankle/toe/knee of my right foot! (ok only the ponning sch was happy)
4) the stress levels are starting to recede!!!!!! (or tts cos its e wkend!)
5) i hope i get selected for e VJC/GIC scholarship selection interview! (ok its nt happy but im hoping and hope is good!)

P.S. wad an exercise in self-delusion. im going nuts!!!!!!!! =/

Time-starved.

2005-04-05T06:51:00.000-07:00

whoa...sci fac is mugger-land! and e timetables are all so cramped. i only have ONE double period break, the rest all single period breaks. the worst part is i gotta endure 3-4 marathon periods of lessons b4 a break actually comes! and when e break comes its a race to eat finish food and do work, or hit the libray to sleep.

and today so suay i overslpt in library...was 15min late for maths tutorial!! when i walked into e class, there was this ominous silence. then e tcher went "i juz scolded the class for being late, and now u are even more late!? this is not e first time u are late!" like wad e heck.

and i juz realised arts fac is NOT slack ok..its juz tt their timetable have tons of 2-4 periods of breaks...oh man i miss arts fac!!! nt only can u slp, can also do hw or eat..nt like sci fac. so muggish. everyone in my class does their tutorials on time, strictly against copying (nt as if copy blindly right..copy with understanding lor) and understand everything!!! (yes everything this is not an exaggeration!!!) worse still sm of them pon lectures like no1's business. an apparent inference=closet muggers!!!! and siao la...i very stressed!!!! sch end so late still got makeup lessons for geog and phy...and the notes are like 10cm+ (combined and no im nt exaggerating..) in height...die la..

everyday reach home wanna slp liao...still muz do housework plus mug plus do hw................im dead!!!!!!! resorting to copying tutorials+notes now, juz copy while analysing each step loh. even my multitasking is nt adequate!!! for eg. read geog notes+vacuum floor, create geog notes+stoning on the bus and alot of other time-saving stuff..but still not enough time and i still cant get enough slp too!!!! my arts to sci fren also as jialat..everyday got SYF and musicfest dance...and hw as well..i tink all those jump streams one can faint man! argh....there's no time and im fading away..........

P.S. its a miracle i can find time to type this with my eyes half-closed..

this is cast in stone.

2005-03-31T05:59:00.000-08:00

hellO!~arh, on wed when i was walking to the HOD room to change my combi, this is wad transcribed. (i hope tt's e word, i cant rmb..the music im listening to is blocking out my thoughts) i met my ex-chinese tcher, so we both exchanged greetings and she asked abt how i was faring in sci. to which of course i said it sucks and i was in fact goin to transfer right now. and she asked me, why do i wanna transfer? can i do physics? if i really really am a complete idiot at physics then change lor. if i can do physics then juz stick in my current combi. and im like, erh...i can do la..but i got no love for it. so she dropped me a few more caveats and left for her lessons.

and im like, ok..lemme go stone in e concourse to tink abt it. and i barely sat for a minute b4 sm1 tapped me on e shoulder and said "bingsheng i gotta talk to u". i tot "oh man pls dun let it be sm tcher tt i previously annoyed and wanting to screw me now". anyway i turned ard and it was edna tan! so i went in trepidation with her all e way to outside the staff room. then she sat down and said (approximately la) "i saw ur scholarship application when walking past mr young and he didnt noe who to pass it to bcos the sci tutors wld noe nuts abt u. so i offered to write a testimonial for u. and i gave u a pretty report. normally i wldnt even give a damn, but since ure from my secondary school i take a vested interest in u. and u slp in class, dress sloppily and daydream too. if nt for ur sec sch tchers comments(she's married to my upper sec lit tcher whom i always get ard e top for lit tests while nt seriously studying..so i appear to be sm kind of pseudo-genius i guess) , i wld give u a hell of a report. but right now im writin this testimonial based on ur potential, not on ur current state. and i noe u can do anythin if u put ur mind to it. being from temasek too, i dun wanna see another tmsian screw up their life in vjc. then lecturing lecturing lecturing....then she set some goals for me since i appeared to be sm lost bored soul wandering thru life..

and here are e targets! erm, kinda goliath-esque to achieve actually. 4As for my midyrs. (eh. this is abit of a stretch.) then later end of yr takin 3 S papers. (tt needs special approval for MOE lor). as if im not dead yet, active participation in community service. with alot of hours! then get leadership positions in impt ccas (like academic-related ccas..like physics soc etc [no way..]). then i shld be in a beautiful postion to run for a scholarship. i realise if i do all tt....im gonna turn into sm mugging nutcase...how did i even get myself into this...

P.S. i asked her if i shld change back to arts fac then, and she was like, no! juz stay in ur current combi, u created enough waves as it is...(more lecturing)

shattered dreams.

2005-03-28T22:50:00.000-08:00

this is gonna get wordy. cos i need sm form of cartharsis!

first day in my new class. man, i wish i didnt have to change class! like karm put it so succintly "it would be so easy for A52 to deteriorate into a class where people hang out in cliques and disregard each other simply because there's nothing much to say sometimes. [like some classes in my past! :/] but i hope we won't." yeah, i so agree with her. cos my new class is like tt. (science faculty wad. =/) gonna really miss all of you!!!!!!!!!! at least i get sm consolation seeing u ppl ard and getting sm sense of belonging in sch. =) LOVE YA ALL!

today when after CT with my new class and enroute to my econs class, i passed by A52's CT and juz had to walk in to meet them. ah, tt feeling of...homecoming!!! tt was like probably the first time i FELT GENUINELY HAPPY AND LOVED IN VJC! what i wldnt give to be in A52. what i wldnt give man!!!! and not deal with my new class. which is frankly, e pits.

its totally poser-lite, i feel freakin suffocated in it. even when during self-intro, i felt inspired so much by the class to only say "im a really boring person. im in chinese orchestra and talk to walls in my free time. im really a boring person." i dun really see e point of telling them my hobbies, my loves, my hates, hell, juz opening up to them. i dun tink they will remember anyway. like, i only hang on with e real quiet ppl or e real delinquent ppl (and tts cos they juz probably are sizing me up as their nxt victim) the rest, all cliqued up. i feel like im in 1970s china all over again. its ok, i guess i wun die, shall juz clam up and be an introverted pseudo-mugger drone in there. dun wanna go on abt how fked up S61 is.

i can deal with e long timetable, e short breaks and e shithead ppl. (its not as if i nvr met such ppl b4) i juz hope tt 3mths later, my old frens, they wun forget abt me when they're too caught up with their work. i mean, i expect sm sort of estrangement from them now tt i dun see them so often, but really, tt doesnt mean i want to lose them! or tt's the end of my social life in VJC! (like wad? go talk to e posers? its juz empty poser talk, forget abt it..) screw S classes. i wanna go back to A52!!!!!!!!! not tt its possible anymore anyway. sigh.

P.S. to my mom(nt tt she can read it): thanks alot. like im really happy and enjoying my sci fac stay!!!! wooo~~~ yeah right. i really hope obeying ur parents is e right thing to do, cos i dun tink its e right thing now. and now she tells me "not happy? change back lor!" now then reverse ur stance, abit too late right. i'll major in theatre in uni, i can survive this bloody 2 yrs. its juz gonna be a war.

pathways.

2005-03-25T08:37:00.000-08:00

yay im not sad any more! at least over streams. since my parents want me to go to e sci stream and not e arts, i did juz tt! (albeit reluctantly) but i figured a way to obey my parents and still not do science...by taking only one(1) science! so my new combi is geography maths econs physics! should have not listened to my sci tcher abt how i was scholarship material..and e route i cld take..then kena swayed into choosing sci when i wanted to rebel against my parents. cos five hours later i realised the route he suggested is e route he took! and in e end he became a tcher cos i rmbed he told us the job was boring. but nvm, he had my interests at heart.

now im bent on taking geophysics! or anything that's gotta do with geography...so wanted to take it in upper sec. i still rmbed i scored hist 89%, geog 74% and lit 70% b4 the streaming in lower sec. and when i was confused...my tcher propoganda-ed me to go lit! ("bingsheng..ure english is good..im sure u'll do well in lit..) when i wanted to go hist cos my entire class was there or geog cos i tot it rocks! so i was stuck in lit for 2yrs..(not tt i hated it..i managed to breeze past it..kudos to my prescient english tcher) and in JC i took geog..but abc was in tt class...so i sacrifice take history change class first. and NOW! finally taking geog. yay! =)

as for my theatre studies.......i shall minor in it in university...and major in geophysics!! XD but guess wad. singapore doesnt have a minor in theatre NOR a geophysics major. so im off to e States/UK to study! if i can only get a scholarship... *ruminates*

P.S. i love my theatre studies frens in VJC! although it was only 3mths, i had pretty much frequent contact with u guys crewing for seniors/slacking in 24h/crapping in lectures..basically the whole day! u guys are e best frens any one can have in VJC. despite wad they say abt frens in JC being more superficial than ur sec sch frens(which u noe longer), TSD frens are e exception! sides, VJCTSD is e only place where u find cute pomfrets and cool vampires. im gonna miss u guys. but i'll still hang ard e garden tables to crap with u guys during my breaks! =D

sadder.

2005-03-23T03:31:00.000-08:00

i changed my stream from arts to sci...abit of regret. but juz continue with my life..cant do much. (cant possibly change my stream back already). oh i feel so sad i dun even wanna make jokes today. bah.

sad.

2005-03-20T06:02:00.000-08:00

im like so sads. =( the hols are over alreadys.....but at least this wk is chockful of hols too. at least it weans us off the march hols mentality. *giggles* lets see...tues a holiday, wed+thurs orientation2, fri good friday plus a wkend...yays!!!!!!!

im stills tinking abt him...arhs...i hate guys!!! always break gurls' hearts. =(